Called to Live in the Present.

One year ago, I never imagined I would be where I am now. In fact, I thought that I would be beginning to live out my year of service at a place where I felt very comfortable and believed that "called" be there. As a perpetual planner, when I left from Arizona last summer, I was in a place I have never been before: the present. I had wholeheartedly jumped into a long distance relationship, which demanded my presence. I needed to present to the other person in the typical ways a partner cares for the other, but my thoughts had to be in the present and deal with the reality that I didn't know where this would end up going. As the fall turned into winter, things with what I thought was my "calling" weren't working out the ways I thought they would. I began to really reflect on what I wanted and where I wanted to be, so I turned to the only reliable source I knew in times of my internal struggles with my path. 

I asked God to direct me. After many nights of pleading and reflecting, I chose to apply for graduate school. As I dropped my transcript envelopes in the mail to begin their 2,250 mile journey to Arizona, I was uncertain what the outcome would be.  But, I believed and trusted that things would some how work out. And...they did. I'm grateful for where I am today. I'm completely uncertain what the future holds in terms of where I'll be when this part of my journey is over: what my first real job will be, where my first real job will be, and more importantly, where A and I will be. For the first time ever, I'm okay with that. God calls us to incredible things and sometimes they're as simple as living in the present. 

I've realized that I've missed out on a lot by being so futuristic.  Life in the present is better than I ever thought it would be and exactly what I needed. I'm finding myself becoming (little by little...it's a slow process) comfortable with living with a little uncertainty. Don't get me wrong, I'm still preparing for my future, but just in ways that don't cause me to forget to wholeheartedly and intentionally enjoy what I have right now. 

Risen

This post was originally written on Sunday...mulled it over for a few days before letting it go live. 

If you know me, you most likely know that Easter is my favorite holiday. I'm not sure why, but there's something about the preparation to get to this day that makes it all the more special. This morning as the sun rose over the cemetery of the small, white church my family's attended since my childhood, I realized that I'll be spending next Easter in Arizona. This was the first Easter in a long time that I felt truly different and prepared to wholeheartedly celebrate the resurrection.

This year for Lent, I gave up doubt. Self-doubt, and doubt in general,  have always paralyzed my decision making abilities for as long as I can remember. I would always second guess everything and go over and over again in my head if I was making the right choices or not. Growing up, I was told that God will take care of all of your doubts if you trust in him.  I always "trusted" God, but never enough to let Him truly wash away all my insecurities about situations and take control. In the fall, I was getting ready to apply to grad school and begin a new relationship with a person I really cared about, I was slowly beginning to see that there were few things in my control. However, I still second guessed, scrutinized, and over-analyzed every decision I made and thing I said. This pattern continued well up until February when I had to make a decision about what to give up or add to my life for Lent. I prayed for a few weeks about what to do because I knew that come Easter morning I wanted to feel different. I made the decision to give up doubt because I wanted to trust more in the fact that I am not alone and that God already has everything all planned. I wanted to take more care to enjoy all of the blessings around me and the people in my life, instead of questioning if I'm doing or saying the right things.

For the past 40 days, I've made a conscious effort to keep myself in check and recognize the signs of falling back into old, doubtful patterns. I can't honestly say I didn't doubt myself over the entire season of Lent, but I did feel different as the sun rose over the horizon signifying the renewal of God's promise to us.

Saguaros, Gila Monsters, Mountains...Oh My!

Ever since I officially proclaimed I will be attending the University of Arizona in the fall, I've been asked this question every other day:

"Are you sure you can handle living in a conservative state?"

...and the answer is YES. My decision to attend UA transcended political ideology. The truth is we only hear what we perceive to be the "wacky" and "ridiculous" political stories of Arizona up here in MA because that's what gets the most attention.  Having spent two summers living in Arizona and two whole years researching the contours and nuances of the politics the state, I've learned a lot about my future home and it's not all bad. The Arizona state legislature has passed legislation that has deeply impacted the lives of many residents, including documented and undocumented immigrants. The reality is that despite the fact that we only hear the "crazy," the "wacky," and the "wonky" stories up north; there is great progress being made on campuses across the state, especially in Tucson. UA just inaugurated their first female president ever in the fall and the university's commitment to social justice and diversity is felt through nearly every division on campus. I'm excited to be directly part of the sj movement through my assistantship with the Women's Resource Center by working in coalition with a number of other offices and divisions.

I chose UA for several including; location, quality of my program, and overall fit. I've always wanted to attend and work at an institution with deep rooted traditions and school pride. I'm proud to say that I'm going to be an adopted Wildcat (I will always be a Bear, first and foremost) and can't wait to call Tucson home for the next two years.  I'm excited to sit classrooms taught by my higher ed research heroes. I'm also excited live in the desert, have mountains in my backyard, enjoy the sunshine (and, yes, the heat!), and this should come as no surprise, be semi-proximal with my partner, Andrew.

I officially head off to Tucson to start my new journey in 11 weeks. I've waited for a long time to say that I'm going to grad school and living out exactly what I've dreamed and aspired to all these years.

Grad School Chronicles: The Decision

I had planned to write a post about reflecting on my interview weekend experience at UA, because I thought I would have to wait for a bit befroe I heard back from any of the positions I interviewed...however the turnaround time was a whole lot quicker than I expected. After much reflection about where I wanted to be and figuring out the fit of UA's program and my assistantship offer, I made the decision to move to Arizona in the fall and pursue my master's at the University of Arizona; where I'll be a GA in their Women's Resource Center!

Lenten Reflection: Living Out the "To"

Today is the start of Lent. Most people's favorite holidays in the Christian calendar are Advent and Christmas, however for me Lent and Easter take the cake. Many decide to give up something for 40 days, others decide to try something new; either way it's about making a conscious and intentional change in your life. 

A common verse that is reflected on during this season is Genesis 3:19, and it goes something like this: 

....for dust you are and dust you shall return 

The whole idea of  "ashes to ashes, dust to dust" is a call to action to live out the TO. What are we going to do between to live out our purpose and story? What conscious and intentional choices are we going to make?  This call to action resonates strongly with me and that's why I admire the season of Lent so fondly.

Tales Through Instagram: A's Visit to the Bay State

I had planned on posting this earlier, but the start of semester has gotten the best of me. Anyways, A made his way up for a visit to the Bay State during my winter break, and we had the most wonderful time. We toured breweries, ice skated, and did a whirlwind tour of Cape Cod, just to name a few things.  It was nice to finally spend more than two days together, and I'm really excited to spend a good amount of time with him again in March. I've also reached the point where I see a faint light at the end of this long distance tunnel; come July I'll be in AZ starting my grad program, my assistantship, and continuing to cultivate my relationship with A. Honestly, I could ramble on and on about what a super time we both had, but I'll let these photos speak for themselves:

Be Prepared...

Next Wednesday, I begin the final semester of my undergraduate career and I couldn't be more excited. I have a lot to look forward to and I'm ready for what's next.

More exciting things will be showing up on the blog in the next few months, including:

• Highs and lows from the relocation process. I'm moving to Arizona this summer to begin my graduate studies in either central or southern AZ. 
• Snippets from the grad assistantship interview process. 

Tomorrow

Tomorrow night I'll pick up A from the airport, and spend eight days with him. It's the second "in-person" visit of our LDR. You might be saying "what only you're second visit?!" Yes..it's true. But this upcoming semester, we'll be seeing a whole lot more of each which is exciting....in fact, there will only be a short two week span between two of our visits (crazy how things work that way).

Everyday, I'm more grateful for A and our relationship. I'll be happy for the day when we make it out of this distance thing and move towards something a tad more proximal...

One Word 2013: Venture

Instead of making of laundry list of sometimes very unsuccessful goals and "resolutions," I have begun to focus on one word to guide my focus throughout the year.

My OneWord  for 2012 was "choose." I wanted to make a more concerted effort to be more cognizant of the choices I have and more intentional with the decisions I make. I made a lot of big decisions that I'm proud of and am excited to see them take shape over the next few months..and maybe even years. 

For 2013, the word I chose is venture. As I set myself to graduate from college in May and enjoy my last few months of undergrad, I'm excited for what's to come. I'm venturing into the next chapter of my life which includes moving to Grand Canyon state, starting my graduate program in Higher Education, and a myriad other exciting things.

This year, I resolving to venture wholeheartedly into my next chapter; to live and love fearlessly and openly.

Instagram Updates: Road Trips, Connections, End of the Semester + More

As usual, Instagram photos speak louder than words. 

UVM | UVM Davis Center | UCONN SU | UCONN

BSU | Chowder Fridays | Tent City | Pumpkin Froyo!

ThinkFast! | Special trip for VP | Thrifted Camel Skirt | Lists...

Tea | Greenhouse by night | Logo planning | FNL

Wrapping | Thoughtful gifts from friends + A | New glasses

GSC V Part I: To Kayla, Love University of Arizona

Sentinel Peak ("A" Mountain), Tucson, AZ Credit

Yesterday at 4:03pm, I received the best Christmas present ever: an acceptance letter email to the University of Arizona's Masters of Higher Education program. It was overwhelming and exciting at the same time. This has been, by far, the best experience throughout this whole process. Sure, it's awesome to finally apply to schools and then anxiously wait for a decision, but it's different when you finally hear back.

My acceptance to U of A was the best Christmas gift for a few reasons. It's real now. After a year of planning and applying, I'm no longer in this weird limbo period waiting for an admittance decision. I know that even if I don't get the response I want from ASU or any other position I applied to, I'll be moving to Arizona in the summertime regardless. I'll be living out my dream, going to grad school, and starting the next chapter of my life. Another bonus is that A and I only have a few more months left of being in a long distance relationship. Even though there's still more hurdles to cross in terms of securing an assistantship and a place to live; I'm confident it will all work out in the end.


By the way, isn't U of A pretty?

Credit

Credit

So thanks, U of A, for making this the best Christmas ever! 

Seeking the Support and Approval of Others

I have a bad habit of constantly seeking approval and support from others. I grew up in a very supportive home and my mother always taught me to brave and set high goals for myself. However, in my formative years, not everyone who I cared deeply about were supportive or approving of what I wanted out of life or what I sought to do. As a result, I subconsciously began making sure that everyone I ever encountered approved of what I did. This led me down the destructive path of always second guessing myself and being really insecure.

Then one day I woke up and realized that a life of second-guessing wasn't what I wanted. I read Donald Miller's A Million Miles In A Thousand Years, which is all about living out your purpose and making the story that God wrote for you come to life. One of the passages in the book hit me particularly hard:

"Fear isn't only a guide to keep us safe; it's also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life."

When I was 17, I was living a boring life because I was always afraid of what others would think and if I would get the significant amount of approval and support for my psyche. I knew that there was a bigger purpose for my life and I shouldn't be fearful of taking the risks necessary to live out my purpose because what is best for me might not be the best for someone else.

Even though sometimes, I slip back in the "seeking out approval" abyss; I'm more cognizant of it now and take the steps to change my thinking. I make strides the necessary to make sure I accomplish all of the goals I have for right (AZ here, I come!).

Take risks. Find ways to get to "yes." Turn dreams into plans. Ultimately, it's more important to live out my purpose than running around seeking approval from others.

Thankful.

I could rattle off the traditional laundry list of things to be thankful for...friends, family, shelter, etcetera. However, all those typical things fall into one umbrella category for me: community.

I am most grateful for community. Whether it be the supportive, network of folks I have at BSU, colleagues from ACUI, my family, friends, or my significant other; I'm reminded everyday of the bonds and special relationships I have with others.

I'm thankful for community, and all of the support, love, and struggle that comes along with it.

Diary of a Social Media Lady: Reflections from #ACUIr1 2012

We have fun in Region I

There are few times throughout the year where I force myself to shift from an introvert to full blown extrovert,  and one of those time/situations are conferences. This past weekend I took part in my third (and sadly, final)  ACUI Region I Fall Conference. This year I had the incredible opportunities to serve on the conference planning team as social media + technology coordinator, as well as co-present two ed sessions, a flash session, and co-facilitate a round table discussion on social justice.

In my time as an undergrad, I've attended two other regional conferences and one international conference, but I have to say that this past weekend was by far, my best experience with ACUI. In 2010, after attending the regional conference at Bryant University, I made the "official" decision to pursue a career in higher education and student affairs and never looked back. After the 2011 regional conference at UNH, I knew I wanted to give back to the Region in some way and decided to apply for the CPT. I was beyond grateful and excited to serve on this year's conference planning team with some of the most awesome people I have ever come across.

As social media and technology coordinator, I was chiefly responsible for creating the conference program book supplement using the mobile app Guidebook, scheduling tweets through the Regions twitter account, and creating the conference social media challenge. When drafting the social media challenge I wanted to create an opportunity for delegates to connect with the Region, Association, and other delegates through the use of mediums like twitter, facebook, and even the new land of instagram. I was referred to several times by delegates as the "social media lady;" a name I wore proudly as I hauled my box full of tiny buttons around with me everywhere I went. The majority of participants in the SoMe "challenge" were undergraduates, which was totally awesome and a little unexpected. I always get really inspired when I read the conference back channel during the weekend and loved seeing what professionals, grads, and, especially, undergrads were gaining through their participation in conference programming.

Today I realized that this was last official hoo-rah with Region I. It's hard to articulate exactly how grateful I am to everyone I have encountered through my involvement in ACUI. I'm forever inspired by the enthusiasm, excitement, and downright love of the field that is displayed by all of my friends and colleagues who are in the profession, full-time. As I continue to follow the path towards a career in student affairs, I can only hope to be a quarter of the professional that they are. I'm also continually overwhelmed and humbled by the support that folks in the Region have given me throughout my short time participating in regional and international activities. As I look to head out west to a new region, I hope that I can continue to carry the excitement, enthusiasm and love of the field that Region I has helped to bestow upon me. My involvement in ACUI revealed the importance of professional organizations for building community within a field, and I'm grateful for the community I found in Region I.

The Grad School Chronicles Part III & IV {Hit Submit and Wait}

This morning, I submitted my first of two applications to grad school (Arizona State, check). I mentioned earlier that I was applying to three schools, but upon looking further into one program I realized it wasn't really the proper fit for me. I'm submitting my final application in two weeks, and then I'll be playing the waiting game...

It's both overwhelming and exciting to think that next fall, I'll be starting the next chapter of my life in a state so far away from where I grew up. It's a challenge that is greatly accepted and I can't wait to see what's in store.

Friday Shorts: Remembering to Live in the Present

In an effort to be more consistent with blogging, I'm starting a new series called "Friday Shorts" that are just short posts about what is on my mind at the current time. Enjoy. 

I'm not one to hide the fact that I'm excited to graduate. I'm SO excited; I'm going to be first in line when the applications to graduate become available. All this excitement to graduate, go to grad school, move out to west, and, start the next chapter of my life is making it extremely difficult for me to live in the present. I have to remember that my life, here in Massachusetts, is still important too.

Balancing the excitement for the future with life in the present is going to be difficult for me (especially since futuristic is, like, my number 2 strength on StrengthsQuest), but it's something that has to be done...

The Battle Against Complacency

When I was first embarking on my undergraduate career and starting to dive into the thick of my involvement, I could dole out the creative/new/fresh/totally awesome ideas. I was able to take ownership in the project I did, both individually and as a group. I was totally passionate and always excited.I was humble, didn't care about a "thank-you." I always threw 210% of myself behind everything I did, because I wanted and loved too. It. Was. AWESOME.

Until one day, back in late June/early July when I had gotten into it with one of our guests at the hospitality center I worked at. I don't even remember how our scuffle started, all I really remember was this exchange of words:

"You think you're so awesome, because you're out here, all high and mighty and helping people."

"You know what, you're right. I am awesome. You're welcome."

As soon as I finished that last sentence, I wish I could have taken it all back. I immediately ran inside to hide out in my old friend, the freight elevator, and cry. Did I really think I was super important and awesome for taking time out of my summer to come back here? Did my biggest fear just come to fruition? Had I entered the land of smug self-satisfaction, also known as complacency? Yes.

I hated who I had become. I felt gross. In that fight with the guest, I had lost all sense of humility. I spent the rest of my day, evening, and the next four days doing some serious self-reflection. I had thought about the word I chose as my "One Word" for the year, which was "choose." I wanted to be more cognizant of the choices I had and the decisions I made. At this point, I knew I had to choose between continuing on the road to becoming a complacent jerk or go back to being the former, extremely grateful version of myself.

 I realized that over the course of my "awesome" experiences throughout my first three years of college, I had become too proud of myself....a trait that I absolutely hated. I realized that I never want to be complacent; I want to continue to remain intentional about every decision and radical in my approaches to every situation, challenge and opportunity that arose.

After my extremely, low, and shallow rock bottom I hit earlier in the summer, I began to attempt to make a conscious effort to challenge myself in every situation and not seek out recognition from others. At the close of summer, I felt like I had returned to the former version of myself, described earlier. The young woman who took on everything with excitement, who was always ready for a challenge, who realized she didn't get to where she is by herself, who didn't care if she was ever thanked by any of her superiors, who only cared about the people she worked alongside.

Even though I made it through my battle with complacency, it is still something I have to, and probably will always have to, deal with. When I feel myself slipping back into the land of ungratefulness and pride, I think of this verse:

1 Peter 5:5-6: "....clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time"

 I hope to always remain vigilant in all that I do and never head back down the road to complacency. 

Life Updates Through Instagram

Sometimes, I'm so grateful that instagram exists. It provides a great way to share updates of my life without having to sit and type out a blogpost. Sure, it's cheating the system...but it works, right? 

The Republican National Convention: I attended the RNC through the Washington Center and my university. Even though I don't really like to talk about politics or spread my political views, it was a pretty sweet experience. Note: I don't identify with either party, I vote how I want to...so, going to the RNC doesn't mean anything. 

TWC | Fresh Mouth Veggie Burger | Dr. Genovese!! | Pre-Convention Pass

the Floor | FREE Del Sol bag | Special Media Passes | The Forum

Nomination | Google+ Media Lounge | Afternoon pick-me-up | NEW GLASSES! 

The new semester started and it's still going! I've been pretty busy lately, but it will all pay off in the end! 

 postcards from friends | plants from A | pumpkin whoopie pies | flair for ACUIr1 Conference!

visited A in AZ | The DBG | Four Peaks | Love. 

UCONN Activities Motto | fall in New England | Halloween Package from A | Studying. 

The Grad School Chronicles Part II {The GRE}

My sincerest of apologies for being MIA lately, this semester has been pretty busy, but now it's almost halfway over(crazy how fast time goes by!).

Saturday October 13th, was (hopefully) the last time I will ever take a test that is better known by its acronym. I spent 7 months studying for the GRE and I have to say it all paid off in the end. I received the raw score I wanted to get and now am patiently awaiting the arrival of my final scores.

I'm pretty stinkin' happy to have this part of the grad school application process behind me. Now, all I have to do is submit my applications; the goal is to get everything out by Thanksgiving.

In the next few days, be on the look out for a full instagram update on my life since the end of summer!

Not Abandoning Y'all...

I promise!

I'm currently at the Republican National Convention working for CNN and reporting for BSU...no posting until it's over!