Called to Live in the Present.

One year ago, I never imagined I would be where I am now. In fact, I thought that I would be beginning to live out my year of service at a place where I felt very comfortable and believed that "called" be there. As a perpetual planner, when I left from Arizona last summer, I was in a place I have never been before: the present. I had wholeheartedly jumped into a long distance relationship, which demanded my presence. I needed to present to the other person in the typical ways a partner cares for the other, but my thoughts had to be in the present and deal with the reality that I didn't know where this would end up going. As the fall turned into winter, things with what I thought was my "calling" weren't working out the ways I thought they would. I began to really reflect on what I wanted and where I wanted to be, so I turned to the only reliable source I knew in times of my internal struggles with my path. 

I asked God to direct me. After many nights of pleading and reflecting, I chose to apply for graduate school. As I dropped my transcript envelopes in the mail to begin their 2,250 mile journey to Arizona, I was uncertain what the outcome would be.  But, I believed and trusted that things would some how work out. And...they did. I'm grateful for where I am today. I'm completely uncertain what the future holds in terms of where I'll be when this part of my journey is over: what my first real job will be, where my first real job will be, and more importantly, where A and I will be. For the first time ever, I'm okay with that. God calls us to incredible things and sometimes they're as simple as living in the present. 

I've realized that I've missed out on a lot by being so futuristic.  Life in the present is better than I ever thought it would be and exactly what I needed. I'm finding myself becoming (little by little...it's a slow process) comfortable with living with a little uncertainty. Don't get me wrong, I'm still preparing for my future, but just in ways that don't cause me to forget to wholeheartedly and intentionally enjoy what I have right now. 

Risen

This post was originally written on Sunday...mulled it over for a few days before letting it go live. 

If you know me, you most likely know that Easter is my favorite holiday. I'm not sure why, but there's something about the preparation to get to this day that makes it all the more special. This morning as the sun rose over the cemetery of the small, white church my family's attended since my childhood, I realized that I'll be spending next Easter in Arizona. This was the first Easter in a long time that I felt truly different and prepared to wholeheartedly celebrate the resurrection.

This year for Lent, I gave up doubt. Self-doubt, and doubt in general,  have always paralyzed my decision making abilities for as long as I can remember. I would always second guess everything and go over and over again in my head if I was making the right choices or not. Growing up, I was told that God will take care of all of your doubts if you trust in him.  I always "trusted" God, but never enough to let Him truly wash away all my insecurities about situations and take control. In the fall, I was getting ready to apply to grad school and begin a new relationship with a person I really cared about, I was slowly beginning to see that there were few things in my control. However, I still second guessed, scrutinized, and over-analyzed every decision I made and thing I said. This pattern continued well up until February when I had to make a decision about what to give up or add to my life for Lent. I prayed for a few weeks about what to do because I knew that come Easter morning I wanted to feel different. I made the decision to give up doubt because I wanted to trust more in the fact that I am not alone and that God already has everything all planned. I wanted to take more care to enjoy all of the blessings around me and the people in my life, instead of questioning if I'm doing or saying the right things.

For the past 40 days, I've made a conscious effort to keep myself in check and recognize the signs of falling back into old, doubtful patterns. I can't honestly say I didn't doubt myself over the entire season of Lent, but I did feel different as the sun rose over the horizon signifying the renewal of God's promise to us.

Saguaros, Gila Monsters, Mountains...Oh My!

Ever since I officially proclaimed I will be attending the University of Arizona in the fall, I've been asked this question every other day:

"Are you sure you can handle living in a conservative state?"

...and the answer is YES. My decision to attend UA transcended political ideology. The truth is we only hear what we perceive to be the "wacky" and "ridiculous" political stories of Arizona up here in MA because that's what gets the most attention.  Having spent two summers living in Arizona and two whole years researching the contours and nuances of the politics the state, I've learned a lot about my future home and it's not all bad. The Arizona state legislature has passed legislation that has deeply impacted the lives of many residents, including documented and undocumented immigrants. The reality is that despite the fact that we only hear the "crazy," the "wacky," and the "wonky" stories up north; there is great progress being made on campuses across the state, especially in Tucson. UA just inaugurated their first female president ever in the fall and the university's commitment to social justice and diversity is felt through nearly every division on campus. I'm excited to be directly part of the sj movement through my assistantship with the Women's Resource Center by working in coalition with a number of other offices and divisions.

I chose UA for several including; location, quality of my program, and overall fit. I've always wanted to attend and work at an institution with deep rooted traditions and school pride. I'm proud to say that I'm going to be an adopted Wildcat (I will always be a Bear, first and foremost) and can't wait to call Tucson home for the next two years.  I'm excited to sit classrooms taught by my higher ed research heroes. I'm also excited live in the desert, have mountains in my backyard, enjoy the sunshine (and, yes, the heat!), and this should come as no surprise, be semi-proximal with my partner, Andrew.

I officially head off to Tucson to start my new journey in 11 weeks. I've waited for a long time to say that I'm going to grad school and living out exactly what I've dreamed and aspired to all these years.

Grad School Chronicles: The Decision

I had planned to write a post about reflecting on my interview weekend experience at UA, because I thought I would have to wait for a bit befroe I heard back from any of the positions I interviewed...however the turnaround time was a whole lot quicker than I expected. After much reflection about where I wanted to be and figuring out the fit of UA's program and my assistantship offer, I made the decision to move to Arizona in the fall and pursue my master's at the University of Arizona; where I'll be a GA in their Women's Resource Center!

Lenten Reflection: Living Out the "To"

Today is the start of Lent. Most people's favorite holidays in the Christian calendar are Advent and Christmas, however for me Lent and Easter take the cake. Many decide to give up something for 40 days, others decide to try something new; either way it's about making a conscious and intentional change in your life. 

A common verse that is reflected on during this season is Genesis 3:19, and it goes something like this: 

....for dust you are and dust you shall return 

The whole idea of  "ashes to ashes, dust to dust" is a call to action to live out the TO. What are we going to do between to live out our purpose and story? What conscious and intentional choices are we going to make?  This call to action resonates strongly with me and that's why I admire the season of Lent so fondly.

Tales Through Instagram: A's Visit to the Bay State

I had planned on posting this earlier, but the start of semester has gotten the best of me. Anyways, A made his way up for a visit to the Bay State during my winter break, and we had the most wonderful time. We toured breweries, ice skated, and did a whirlwind tour of Cape Cod, just to name a few things.  It was nice to finally spend more than two days together, and I'm really excited to spend a good amount of time with him again in March. I've also reached the point where I see a faint light at the end of this long distance tunnel; come July I'll be in AZ starting my grad program, my assistantship, and continuing to cultivate my relationship with A. Honestly, I could ramble on and on about what a super time we both had, but I'll let these photos speak for themselves:

Be Prepared...

Next Wednesday, I begin the final semester of my undergraduate career and I couldn't be more excited. I have a lot to look forward to and I'm ready for what's next.

More exciting things will be showing up on the blog in the next few months, including:

• Highs and lows from the relocation process. I'm moving to Arizona this summer to begin my graduate studies in either central or southern AZ. 
• Snippets from the grad assistantship interview process.